I Kind Of Like That About Myself


noun: the state of being happy

       One day I asked my husband what he believed in. “You have to believe in something!” I demanded after an argument over modern day religion.  “I believe in myself” was his answer.  The discussion of connecting to church, a group of friends, a community, was over with those four words.  That’s why I love this man.

       I began taking dance lessons at age six.  By the time I was sixteen I was teaching dance. At eighteen dance classes were paying my way through college.  I became an elementary school teacher, a wife, a mother.  I guess I believed in myself, too.  But then everything started fading away, all my momentum going in reverse.  I stopped my educational endeavors, I stopped working, I stopped being a good friend.  So it went for more than a few years…more like a few decades.

       So, what do I believe in? Where does happiness come from?

       I believe in family.  I believe in us.  I try to measure my days in laughs.  I push away the worry and I pray to be protected from anxiety.  Then I open my eyes and embrace the circus-like atmosphere that surrounds me.  I garnish strength to continue washing clothes that aren’t mine, cooking food I don’t eat, and cleaning up messes I don’t make.  I have the unconditional love of a man I greatly respect.  I unconditionally love my children who respect me.  Yes, I have made many sacrifices, felt lonely and lost along the way, but in this moment everything is relevant.  Everything is real.  I kind of like that about myself…no regrets.  Happiness.

“The grand essentials of happiness are:

something to do,

something to love,

and something to hope for.”

Allan K. Chalmers

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