Heartfelt Gratitude

gratitude

noun: the quality of being thankful

       I went to the doctor recently and the news wasn’t good.  He’d been supportive for the past year,  but today he said, “With this disease, the complications, and you’re getting older…you need to have realistic expectations of how you want to live the rest of your life.”  What? Who wants to hear that? Frankly, it made me angry.  Anger can be good, it can catapult you to change.  And change is life.

       I never really thought about my health, until I was sick.  Then it was all I thought of.  Sickness is scary and lonely.  My eight year old self never saw me even aging.  My twelve year old self had no understanding of illness.  Even my sixteen year old self had no idea of how stress can effect you on the cellular level.  When I got married “In sickness and in health” was part of my vows.  I thought that would be far off in my future.  Nothing prepared me for illness.  At some point though, in my twenties or thirties, I knew the pace of my lifestyle would bite me in the ass.  I knew there would be consequences for taking care of everyone in my house but me, for staying up late and getting up early, and pushing and pushing and pushing myself mentally, spiritually, and my poor exhausted body took the brunt.

       Now I’m paying the piper.  Doctors appointments, medication, rest.  I am grateful for my brilliant doctor that saved my life and guided me out of the darkness of my disease.  I am thankful for antibiotics and supplements that are healing my body.  I appreciate my family’s patience with me needing to rest. Change isn’t easy.  But metamorphosis is what life is all about.  I kind of like that about myself…figuring things out.  With gratitude.

“Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it’s important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level.”

Shakti Gawain

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