Superfluous

superfluous

adjective: unnecessary, especially through being more than enough

I had always thought myself a perfectionist, competitive, a hard worker to be sure.  It was all positive. I was extremely active in high school.  I took difficult classes, worked two jobs, was in student government, participated in the speech team, was head song leader.  Then I attended a local college, worked several jobs, and was engaged at twenty.  I got married, finished my degree, went to work in my field and continued working on a credential.  We bought a house.  Then I got pregnant.  Work, school, babies.

My whole life has been so full.  There have been many blessings.  But much to juggle.

I was in my forties before someone called me an “overachiever”.  Now it was negative and I was taken aback.  Like a deflated balloon it made me wonder…did I really have to do all I was doing?  I was such a martyr. I was becoming cynical.  I was not taking care of myself.  I was not doing anything on my bucket list; I was so busy overachieving that I was not living my life.

My mind was full.  I was not present.  I was not well.  My commitments had literally committed me to crazed unhappiness.  I am now choosing to live my life differently.  I don’t use the word “busy” anymore.  There are days I have to remind myself that I have more than enough; I am more than enough.  I do not want a busy life!  I have to fight against unnecessary anxieties to be true to myself.   I don’t like that about myself…being superfluous.  What’s the point of being barren in the midst of excess?

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.”
Socrates

 

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