noun; a pause or gap in a sequence

Please forgive me, for I have taken a hiatus. And I hope you’ve missed my words, even if just a slight bit. I got distracted. Overwhelmed by a variety of issues. Overstimulated by life itself. But this pause has allowed me to do some soul searching. Some thinking. Some focusing in.

Writing is calling to me. I think about it incessantly. I don’t understand why. What does it even mean to be a writer? A simpleton’s answer would be that a writer is someone who writes. Which I have not been doing and is probably why I feel like something is missing. Some days I am filled with inspiration, I am motivated and excited to share words and thoughts and big ideas. Other days I am empty, full of dread over stringing words together and void of any complete thoughts. I suppose any job is like that…productive and loving life one day and chasing one’s tail the next. Writers must be disciplined, work through the dread and voids. Thus explains the hiatus (lack of discipline).

Motherhood is time consuming! Yes it has taken me nearly twenty-five years to really appreciate the fullness of this. As my teenagers become adults my thought is that I can become more disciplined and move on with my own priorities. However, they totally pull me back in, with a myriad of things to do, issues to solve, and places to be with them. So no matter how much “focusing in” I do on my part, it gets abandoned due to difficulties with offspring. Don’t get me wrong, I kind of like that about myself. But I digress.

Life is moving on…in hyper speed. In my mind I’m about twenty three, which is the age of my oldest child. So that doesn’t work logically. It also doesn’t work physically when I look in the mirror. I want to say, “Where has the time gone?” But it’s so cliche. And besides I know where it has gone; to family dinners, to laundry, to doctors appointments, to driving the kids around. The time has gone to planning trips and days at the beach, to cocktails at sunset, to birthdays and holidays and special surprises to just say ‘I love you’ and to hot cups of tea at the end of a busy day.

So after taking some pause, here is what I’ve learned. I need to take pride in the past two and a half decades for all that has been accomplished. After taking care of everyone else I now need to be kinder to my own self. Writing needs to take priority for me, if only for peace of mind. Everyones passion is different, but acknowledging the loves of your life…that’s what matters most and I kind of like that about myself!

“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge
and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you,
you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

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