verb: preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent
If I have to be honest, I have obsessions. I’m an obsessor. I obsess. There, I said it. Admitting it is the first step towards real change. I obsess over all kinds of things…next year’s Christmas cards, what flowers to plant in the front yard, what to wear to that thing in a few weeks. I obsess over decorative pillows and what to make for dinner before I eat breakfast. But right now I’m obsessed with a certain soundtrack that I keep listening to. And I’m obsessed with my new cardigan. I’m completely obsessed with Nancy Myers movies. And there are more than a couple of books that I’ve read multiple times, obsessively. Yes, I think too much! And when I really like something I dive in to it, over and over and over again.
I’m preoccupied. My mind is always full, continually and intrusively, about the most mundane and minute details of my life, my children’s lives and just about everyone and everything around me. Maybe it’s OCD. Obsessive Cristi Dysfunction? However, while it might make me anxious it does not make me dysfunctional. Quite the opposite. I am very functional. Actually very much a perfectionist. “Practically Perfect” I like to say, (which I think I stole from Mary Poppins). Obsessive Cristi Disease? Perhaps I was born with it. Or I contracted it in my youth. If it’s a disease then there is probably a pill I can take for it. Obsessive Cristi Disorder? Disorder alludes confusion. I am not confused, nor do I live in a confused state. I’m all about certainty and order. That’s for sure…
Sometimes it’s interesting to take a step back and see yourself honestly, warts and all. While it shifts your perception, it also makes you wonder, “Holy Hell! What do others think of me?” But I don’t want to look through the eyes of anyone else. It really doesn’t matter how anyone else sees me, only how I see myself. And I’m not sure I want to change my obsessiveness. My mind is filled, but it’s no trouble, and I kind of like that about myself.
“Cure for an obsession: get another one.”