It’s A Ruse

ruse

noun: an action intended to deceive someone; a trick

As it turns out, Salutations was simply a ruse. As excited and proud and enthusiastic as I was about finishing up a Masters Degree this summer, twenty-three years in the making, it was merely an intent to distract myself. Divert my attention from my youngest child leaving for college. Sidetrack myself from middle age. Put-off my thoughts and feelings of all that is happening around me.

It is the last week of August, the end of summer, and I am still Unsettled.  There are feelings of confusion. I am wondering what will be next in life? I am trying to form a new daily schedule, but instead I’m just bumbling through my days. I have inspirations, but lack motivation and clearly, FOCUS?! A new job awaits next week. That is just bringing more uncertainty and nervousness.

It is not like me to be so lost. I am used to going one-hundred miles an hour. Multi-tasking. Being distracted, called on and pulled in a multitude of directions. Going. Doing. But, none of that is happening now. The house is quiet. I have already finished all the things that needed finishing. Despite the ruse of keeping busy while everything was changing, I suppose I remain ingenuous to this new life of…what? Solitude? Ease? Extra time? Well, I am telling you, I was unprepared for all of it. Is the universe trying to trick me? What exactly is the intention? The deception? And what will be my next act?

I am trying to center myself. Find my next priority. My next purpose. Ruses aside, I am figuring it out. Whatever “it” is…and I kind of like that about myself 🙂

“My young friend supposes his ingenuousness is merely a ruse.”

Mason Cooley

3 replies »

  1. Ok. So you’re in what i call the fallow period. And it’s hard, right? When you’re used to being busy, productive–crazed, even–and suddenly there’s all this stillness. Yet, that’s when the magic happens. Sit with it. Moodle. Go to the bookstore and see which title jumps off the shelf. Go to a lecture. For a jog. It’s a deceptive quiet. Because I think of it as God changing the channel so you can hear a new frequency. You’re on your way, friend. You just don’t know it yet . . .

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    • Oh, thank you kind friend!
      I think you are right…but it feels weird. I ❤ “Fallow Period” and will take that with me today.
      Also, I noticed you writing about Night Circus here and there…so I picked it up. I’m really enjoying it. You are AMAZING! May you be blessed for the blessings you give others. Cheers to Friday!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m so glad that you were liking the book! It is so different from anything else I’ve read and yet so captivating. You’ll have to give me your final opinion when you’re done 🙂

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