noun: an action intended to deceive someone; a trick
As it turns out, Salutations was simply a ruse. As excited and proud and enthusiastic as I was about finishing up a Masters Degree this summer, twenty-three years in the making, it was merely an intent to distract myself. Divert my attention from my youngest child leaving for college. Sidetrack myself from middle age. Put-off my thoughts and feelings of all that is happening around me.
It is the last week of August, the end of summer, and I am still Unsettled. There are feelings of confusion. I am wondering what will be next in life? I am trying to form a new daily schedule, but instead I’m just bumbling through my days. I have inspirations, but lack motivation and clearly, FOCUS?! A new job awaits next week. That is just bringing more uncertainty and nervousness.
It is not like me to be so lost. I am used to going one-hundred miles an hour. Multi-tasking. Being distracted, called on and pulled in a multitude of directions. Going. Doing. But, none of that is happening now. The house is quiet. I have already finished all the things that needed finishing. Despite the ruse of keeping busy while everything was changing, I suppose I remain ingenuous to this new life of…what? Solitude? Ease? Extra time? Well, I am telling you, I was unprepared for all of it. Is the universe trying to trick me? What exactly is the intention? The deception? And what will be my next act?
I am trying to center myself. Find my next priority. My next purpose. Ruses aside, I am figuring it out. Whatever “it” is…and I kind of like that about myself 🙂
“My young friend supposes his ingenuousness is merely a ruse.”